"In space no one can hear you cream..."
It's 2069 and the crew members of the commercial spaceship "Nutstroker" are on their way home when they get a distress call coming from a nearby moon. Against their cat Bonesy's wishes they decide to check it out anyway. After a rather hard entry into the moon's atmosphere they thrust ahead into the dark unknown. After landing, 6 of the 9 crew members leave the "Nutstroker" in search of those in distress. But just a few short steps away from their spaceship Captain D. Swallows notices a girthy silhouette in the shadows. As he gets closer to the mushroom shaped object he notices it has become erect and catches an aroma of what can only be described as that of bleach when suddenly a volcanic like eruption explodes from the object and covers his face in a green splooge like substance. As he screams in horror "It fucking burns and I can taste it in the back of my throat! It won't go away! Does anyone have some fucking Listerine or a pack of chewing gum?!?" While gagging in horror he yells, "Get back to the ship!" to rest of the crew! And as they run back to the ship like the pieces of shit they are for not even trying to help him, crew member Ellen Gripley looks back to see their former captain now melting under a huge load while a now seemingly tired and flaccid "Phalien" lunges towards her! Will she make it to the ship? Will the crew make it out alive? Why are you still reading this? I have no fucking clue but what I do know is that you need to grab this thick, black, soft (yet hard) enamel pin!
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