Are you down on your luck? Has your ex blocked you on all their social media accounts? Does it burn when you pee? Do you feel like you've been hexed? Well fear not because The E.T.sy Witch is here to sell you shit you don't need and relieve you of the burden of having money for shit you actually do need! From authentic Uranus tea (certified by the Inland Empire Witches Counsel™) to organic earwax candles scented with pumpkin spice and pretentiousness! When used correctly these magical tools will get your ex to text you back at three in the morning, stop your neighbor's dog from shitting on your lawn and cure so many other trivial things that you could otherwise easily ignore or change for yourself but instead you've allowed them to plague your life! But make sure to leave The E.T.sy Witch positive feedback for each transaction or else they will curse you with obnoxious and whiny emails in which they accuse you of trying to ruin their smol business! And just like their creativity and "powers" each E.T.sy Witch is unique with its own hair style and color which will be chosen at random! You can leave a request for specific hair styles and colors but much like the shit The E.T.sy Witch sells you, there is no guarantee it'll work!
**This is a preorder. They will start shipping by 10/29. Thank you!**
QUALITY SOLD SEPARATELY
*Made with fake spells and real Reese's Pieces in Los Angeles, CA
*For fake witches 18 and up
*All sales are final
*If you ask for a refund you will be cursed with The E.T.sy Witche's hex in which your car warranty will be forever extended and automatically deducted from your bank account, your identity will be stolen by a distant cousin who will use it to ruin your credit and last but not least you'll get 13 ingrown hairs in or around your butthole
*I'm fucking with you
*This is just a smol resin bootleg not a real, fake witch
*It's hair is very fragile so please don't fuck with it
*Thank you for your hard earned monies
*I fucking love ya'll